The Falls

 ©️ Tina Gibbons 2022

"I detest the color of these walls. I asked once what shade it was, and the answer was alabaster. Not quite white, or yellow, or gray, but a hue to calm and soothe. To me, it is a tone that shrinks the room and suffocates the mind. I lay my pencil next to the notebook assigned to record the details of my grief and horror: what happened at the Falls. Here, in my heart, lodged deeply behind pain and confusion, hide resentment and anger. Greedily, I don't want to let them go, those feelings that justify my actions or the words that tell my story. As if they could understand my thoughts once out of my mouth, no, only hammer and forge them until they could be used against me."

Pain

Pain is a loathsome creature.

It clings and burrows.

It steals your energy and enthusiasm.

It sucks the joy from your favorite activities.

It renders you dependent on medication to get through the most basic daily routines.

It makes you curse the day and fear the night when it robs you of sleep.

It plants seeds of self-doubt and fertilizes them with depression and anger.

It shrinks your world and your dignity.

Pain is a loathsome creature.

When I Am Alone

I cry when I am alone, when I don't think I can stand another moment. With others near, I am a warrior behind a wall of stone; unbreakable, brave, positive, resilient: everything I want them to see. But, I cry sometimes when I am alone. My fortress crashes, pebbles at my feet. 
Pain, frustration, defeat; my misery leaks, overflows, follows cracks eroded by previous tears.

Emotions purged and thoughts collected, I gather the rocks and rebuild the wall. A smile my shield, I carry on.

 

©️ MARIE DRAKE January 27, 2022

Have You Felt the Loss of Love?

 

If love could've kept you here, you'd still be with me. I want to be together again, I miss you more each day.
'Don't rush to follow,' you'd tell me, 'there are so many reasons for you to stay.
Shower our loved ones with your presence and cement their memories. I'm watching over everyone and sending my love through you. Soon enough you'll join me, Love. Forever beside me, when you do.'
©️ Marie Drake January 2022

Do What Brings You Joy

 If this year has showed me anything, it's that none of us are promised tomorrow. Nobody knows what will happen the next day, week, or month. In the last six months, besides my health diagnoseses, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer, my sister was diagnosed with Thyroid cancer, and we lost our nephew to an overdose. Therefore, I didn't listen to the naysayers about it being too early to decorate for Christmas. I went into full-blown holiday mode November 1st. 🎅🤶 We will be hosting several smaller gatherings in our home instead of one large one, still mindful of COVID. But, the intrinsic joy of the season is what I need, so I won't let anyone begrudge or delay my celebration.